These days I am in a deep thought.. Whilst my exams are nearing, that thought strongly keeps me tied. I was brought up at a place not where I was born. If my memory is true, it was from my second standard in primary school, the very first word of myself and my mother being taken to the country of luxury was heard. The place which lifted many a Indians from poverty and hunger! Yes, it did not take much long time before we stepped out from the air plane into the heat of that very country. I still remember, it was burning hot when we came out of the airport. The very first glimpse high above from the sky was the adornment worn by her, Dubai, the long glittering golden chain made out of the street lamps. Mother was untiring in explaining this beauty. Yah, we reached Dubai. My kiddish mind searched for the very smell which we usually get when the luggage brought from Dubai is opened from the home country. Nothing. Nothing like that is true of that country when we stay there. Its a fantasy. Truth is the smell of the hard working people, there is no fragrance, it is full of sweat and smell of hardship.

Throughout the way into our room in the car, the long vehicles and roads and buildings all were wonders for me.
Most of our relatives and neighbours had gathered in the room, for it was not usual to bring family from home country into this cursed place of hardship. But we were!

Like that goes on the story of the first time in the place of my growing up. Well, time flew high. I wont ever forget the time took for me to adapt to the new climate. I was down with fever for couple of weeks. The door of the villa was shut tight for more than a month or so, because the smell of the air even burst me into vomiting. I adapted finally, joined school, and did not realise that time flew so fast that everything was thrown into the pages of history. We tried to visit home country for every school vacation. Parting from rest of the family, my dearest brothers, sister and her children were unbearable.

So, i grew up.. getting used to the machine like life of Dubai. Get up in the morning, get ready for the bus, come back from school, do the home works or watch TV. Others got up early in the morning before me, went away on work, and returned late at night, sleep.. the vicious cycle continued. There was no time for cultural uplift or no one bothered of a social interaction! No one is to be blamed, that is how Dubai life is programmed to be. The only exception is on Fridays, when most of the day time went off with decent deep sleep.

I must say I found it sometimes hard to go hand in hand with this life of Dubai. Most, when my parents left once for Hajj and when they leave for India for longer vacation.

I felt unsecure. A life where no one including myself is benefitted of. Why did i live? For whom? Feeling of loneliness. The moment reached from school, slipped off the room for dinner. Mostly dined from out lonely! Sat for longer time in front of the table and asked myself, who knows me? Who cares for me?

My cycle took me places. Places near the sea bays.. gardens.. wherever i looked, i saw families in full swing. But one difference. I was alone.

Used to lay in the gardens by the roads near to the cycle looking desperately into the dark skies. What difference did it make in the world, if i was absent or present? Rode the cycle through the footpaths aimlessly, hoping for one single familiar smile from some one. When went to high end malls, i remained alone. I could see crowds chatting happy. I wondered what they were talking about. A lot of people out in the world. But none for me. I kept on searching for one single smile. All in vein. Out on cycle, mouth remained shut, no single human for me to talk. Sigh…

Most of the time i stood by the Shindhaga sea, supporting on the fence frame. Staring with a blank eye, watching carefully how the reflection of the colors of buildings and sign boards of the other side waved in the moving sea. Sometimes listening to the music of the tourist barge that would pass through the sea. Wherever i looked, i saw darkness. I stood still, hundreds passed through my side. None turned their face towards me.

Altered my stay from place to place, worrying something is wrong with the place where i stand… but discovered all were worse than the other. Sat in the wooden chairs for some comfort, hoping the one sitting by my side would show some mercy. The salt stinged wind from the sea hushed away all my hopes. Then slowly walks towards my building drooping down the head.

Sometimes i lay flat in the grassy sides of the roads and would keep on counting how many cars passed through the road. New numerals will have to be invented to accomplish this. So i close my eyes and keep both hands under the head and laid flat.

Everything familiar would look even stranger when mind is unusually silenced.

Kith and kin in the flat was unaware of my this nomadic wandering times. They cannot be blamed for they are gripped in the gears of the machine life of their job. They did not find time to care about themselves, why me then?

Things do not remain same for ever. It did change. Time Changes Everything! I got better life later. Moments of happiness returned.

Friends are the key to a happy life. I had friends, but not near where i stayed.

A change of school from most loved to a most hated one in the absence of parents shook my faith. To adapt to a beast school was not easy matter. I assured myself everything will get better sooner. I had a ‘very warm’ welcome in the new school. The very first day, principal flung into the class room with fiery eyes asking everyone to stand up. He ordered all to walk out of the class room and run around the vast play ground ten times as punishment as some one from my class had torn the chart papers put up in some other class room’s wall. I begged to the principal this is my first day and i dont know of anything. He but showed no mercy. I cursed myself for my bad choice of the school.

Things were only getting worse as days passed. While dining lonely from the hotel, all that would sweep into my silenced mind would be the grinding noise of that hatred school bus. It avoked nothing but fear.

Suddenly things got better when i got the driving licence. Attitude of others changed. When Dubai government gave me licence, the government also gave me more friends! The experience of driving to school in own merc along with friends overtaking the school bus was all thrill. Those in the bus would wave to us, but we would pretend to not have seen that.. :-)

True fun was when driving for tuition classes in evenings with friends. With music in full, windows down, legs of friends on dashboard, ice creams at McDonalds, woaah. It was a pleasurable experience!

Like that went my life at that salty winded land of gold and dates. Many to add. Many to make this quote fat. But i forgot to tell you what i intended to tell you. Why, i began this. The thought that is constantly keeping me tied! Yes, i want to unwind all those previous happenings once more. I want to see how far things at that goddamn place have changed. Wanna be there once again! Now that, as the great poet once said, we all are pieces of wooden logs floating through the flowing river, staying together occasionally and parting again, i reached the stream of one of the most respected profession of the world, the art of alleviating the bodily sufferings of the people! Yes, i today is on the verge of entering the final year of this learning process of the curing art!

Will i be able to be back there once again to witness all those places of loneliness and companionship?

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